84 ~ Hold Back Tears

By Kay Heitsch

When I began reading Dr. Peale's books, I had never heard of him. When they called to ask about publishing my letter in the magazine PLUS, I had never heard of it.

When I received the PLUS, I noticed it went to 118 countries. My Mom wanted me to be a missionary. When she told me that, it was the last thing I wanted to do. But now, maybe sharing my testimony was becoming a missionary. Just not like she had in mind.

I never thought about what would happen when this letter was published. In fact, I don't think it ever entered my mind.

I was surprised when strangers were calling me, saying they had read my letter. It made me happy to see people being helped by reading it.

Now, more people were calling, asking me to come and share my testimony. It wasn't getting any easier trying to control my emotions. I didn't want to cry and make people feel uncomfortable.

At first, I didn't write out my testimony. But I thought if I did, I could control my emotions better. I would watch where I needed to check my emotions and double up on holding back. Then, when I least expected it, I would start to feel overwhelmed and try to get a grip on myself again. It was exhausting!

I talked in several churches, which was interesting. God wanted me to see that not all churches are alike. However, all churches have true Believers who worship there. I learned a lot.

I started going around with a man who held meetings in several different towns. I shared with him how hard it was for me not to cry while sharing my testimony. He told me it was okay to cry because this gave other people listening permission to cry right along with you. I had never thought of that.

I praise God that He had this man help me know it was okay to cry. It helped, and I didn't feel so drained and exhausted.

"Write down for the coming generation what the Lord has done, so that people not yet born will praise Him." Psalm 102:18